When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
