i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
