just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
