i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
