Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
