I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
