I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize