woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
