he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
