That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
