At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
