hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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