You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
