Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Just puked most of my soul out..
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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