When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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