I smell stomach acid.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
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you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
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He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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