Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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