Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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