My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
