Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
