So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
