you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
