you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
