You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
