it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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