I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
i think im in europe. pls send help
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
