You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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