I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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