The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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