I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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