you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
It's blow job season.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
