It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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