I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
