OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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