I'm going to jail i love you
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
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so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
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Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company