She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
