I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
