so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
