Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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