I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm like, not good at living.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
