just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
