I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
