Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
