like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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