i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
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