If i could tip my vagina, i would.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
A bitchslap is in order.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
