dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
