yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
