I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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