Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
