Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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