Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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