There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
