I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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