do herpes really smell.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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