I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
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My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
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He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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