Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
It was like giving head to a cactus.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
