We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
