Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
