I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
