is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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