I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
