i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
