Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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