Kiss
Puke
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
