I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
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