just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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