We're like a lot better than the average bears
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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