im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
