are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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