There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
