If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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