I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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