remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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