You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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