dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
