yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
