I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
