I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Just pee around me
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
