I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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