i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
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