It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
